Sunday, November 9, 2008

What? Sunday already? And on becoming a germaphobe.

So sorry fellow bloggers.  I can't believe it's already Sunday and I haven't posted. 

Well I am sitting in our disastrously messy "office".  I was supposed to be cleaning, but you know, the computer is in here and it sucked me in.  

Daniel somehow got horribly sick.  I mean awful.  I've never ever seen him so sick.  We don't know if he has food poisoning or a bug.  Of course I am horribly paranoid that we took some sort of germ to the hospital yesterday (you can type yesterday all with your left hand!).  I think I'm becoming a germaphobe.  I bought three bottles of hand sanitizer this morning for our house.  I bought clorox disinfecting wipes.  If you know me, you know this is soooo not me.   I'm all about the vinegar and baking soda.  What has happened?  Sigh.  And my poor, poor hands.  They are so dry from over washing them.  They hurt, they're speckled with red dots.  They're cracking.  But I just can't stand the thought of getting sick because then I can't see Ezekiel.  I am already not going to the hospital today, and I probably won't go tomorrow because we just can't risk him getting sick.

Meanwhile, he is doing well.  He is 5.5lbs!  He is eating two bottles a day (he won't always take the whole bottle), and we are working on breastfeeding.  He is OFF the vapotherm!!!  Now he is on a nasal canula which just gives him a little oxygen.  We *think* he will be home really soon.   It's hard to say, though... we will see what happens.  Man I am FULL of typos today.  I have to keep backspacing and fixing things.    

Ummm seriously my hands hurt.  

Sooo I have to tell you about my CRAPPY gyn appointment on Friday.  Grr.  All I wanted to go for was to get my thyroid levels tested.  But the doctor never asked me if I had any questions or anything, she just routinely performed her exam, and when I said I was concerned about my weight loss (as in lack of), she just started into this whole memorized schpeel about eating whole grains and lean meats and lots of veggies and no junk food and drink lots of water.  Yes, lady, I already know.  Thank you for not listening to me at all and for being completely unhelpful and patronizing at the same time. 

But this was the worst part:  Before the exam, when I was waiting in the lobby, I had to fill out some paper work.  Well, there was a 10 question questionnaire about post partum depression.  I made the mistake of filling it out honestly, because all the doctor and the nurse could focus on was my high score on this test.  While the nurse was asking me all the preliminary questions before the doctor came, she said, "after your exam we are going to have someone walk you up to behavioral health".  Excuse me??!  What in the world is this crap?!  Of course I immediately became very anxious, thinking, "oh crap (or should I say shymkent?), they think I'm crazy!".  I told this lovely lady (currently resisting name-calling urges) that I was not willing to do that, and that I believe I am perfectly fine considering the circumstances we've been in the last 3 months.  She saw I was upset and didn't push the issue much more.  Then the doctor comes in and all she could focus on was the stupid quiz, too.  I mean, don't they realize that they probably need a different quiz for NICU moms then for full-term, healthy baby moms?  HELLO!!!! GRR.  Of COURSE I cry a lot and I feel depressed and I've lost my appetite.  I think that is NORMAL behavior right now.  I explained this.  Then when they took my blood pressure, it was, of course, high.  I always get nervous going to the doctor anyway, and then to have some lovely nurse tell me they're ready to admit me to the loony bin, I freaked out and was anxious... so yes, of course my blood pressure was high.  But they wanted me to come back for the next 5 days to have it tested.  I said no, that I thought that was ridiculous, and that the only reason my blood pressure was high was because they were making me uncomfortable.  Finally the doctor backed off.  "Well, you're the captain of your own ship," she said.  Lovely.  Thanks for finally recognizing me as an individual.  If only you could make it so far as to recognize my intelligence and ability to think and care for myself, then we would be cool.  It's ok, your behavior is excusable since you have an M.D.  and must be more intelligent than me.  

Enough of that.  In other news, I seriously want to hire people to come clean my house.  When I look around at the messy-ness I get totally overwhelmed and want to either leave the house or cry.  I've been cleaning more, but I haven't gotten to the deep cleaning which is what really needs done before Ezekiel comes home.  Downstairs is all right, upstairs is seriously an absolute disaster.  There are maybe 20 articles of clothing hanging up in the closet (all the stuff that doesn't fit).... the rest are all on the closet floor (or bedroom floor, bathroom floor, laundry room floor).  We have soooo many random papers that somehow make it into random piles around the house, but never make it into the filing cabinet.  We have books coming out of our ears.  Why, God, why am I not one of those naturally organized and tidy people?  Why am I not that way?  I want to be soo soooo bad.  If I could change anything about myself, it would be my lack of discipline.  Because that has to be what this is all about.... if i was more disciplined, I would keep my house cleaner.  I would always pay all the bills on time.  My husband would always have clean socks and underwear.  I could find my favorite lipstick that I lost oh-so-many months ago.  FORTUNATELY discipline IS something I can change about myself.  So I just have to remember that I'm working on it and doing a little bit better on most days.  Ok that's my pep talk for myself.  Thanks for listening.  

And of course, the tragedy of Obama.  Ever-so depressing.  


Teresa said...

You're the captain of your own ship????? Holy shymkent, I nearly fell over laughing!!!! The Shymkent comment made me laugh too!!

I loved reading this blog, I felt like I was right there in the doc office with you, and then in your house.

I'm so glad Ezekiel is gaining, off the vapotherm and eating so well. I can't wait to read about how well he is nursing... some day. :-)

Teresa and Dad

Luanne in OHio said...

I read an interesting article about the training that doctors receive. The article stressed the importance of doctors learning to LISTEN to their patients. Eventually, courses in listening to patients were added to some medical school curriculums. The catch was that courses were added because statistics proved that 5 minutes of listening to a patient reduced the probability of malpractice lawsuits by 70%. So, they learned to listen, but still for the wrong reason!!

There are good doctors who listen...and who listen for the right reasons...they're just hard to find. I'm praying that you find a good one, Kristin. I love you!! Wish I could give all of you a big hug.
Love, Mom

J. Pike said...

Aaaaawww I'm so sorry your doctor treated you that way! How frustrating! Grraaar! Did you ever get through to her about your thyroid?

I just laugh everytime I read about your messy-ness. We are identical in this way. So when the boys are talking about farm stuff they can also talk about how they have to wear the same pair of socks all week long. Poor guys! lol. They still love us.

I hope Daniel feels better; that sucks that you can't go see Ezie, but I think it's good you are strong enough to resist for the sake of his health. Is Daniel still on his all-raw milk diet?

I haven't posted in over a week now...I am tired though. Sorry!! I hope you got all the pictures I sent you! Let me know. =)
Love ya,

Luanne in Ohio said...

Hi Kristin -

Just a quick note that might help with the hands. 2 things:

(1) at night, put plain ole Vasoline petroleum jelly on your hands (a lot), and then wear 2 socks to bed on your hands. When you wake up in the morning, your hands will be soft as a baby! I've done this for years when my hands get bad, and I almost texted you about it last night, but didn't. Then, this morning on Channel 10 news, a dermatologist said exactly the same thing. So I thought I would pass it on.

(2)Just in case you don't want to go around all day long with gooey Vasoline and socks on your hands, try the GOLD BOND ULTIMATE HEAALING Skin Therapy Lotion with Aloe. You can get it at Walgreens, Walmart, etc. It's not cheap (about $8-$9 for a 16 ounce bottle), but it is amazing.

I hope Daniel is much better today. Praying for all of you. Love, Mom

Kristin said...

Mom- Thanks for the hand tips :)

Jamie- I totally meant to mention that Daniel is NO LONGER on the raw milk diet. He hasn't been on it for almost 2 weeks now, so it was definitely not the milk. AND in my frustration I forgot to mention that they did draw blood to test my thyroid. I should find out this week what is going on.

Teresa- Please pray he will be able to nurse! This is so important to me... I don't want to pump for another year!!

Nathan and Aimee said...

Hi! Sorry I didn't call today. I used my only free time to read part of Home Comforts. It is really good so far! She reccomends hiring out the cleaning if that is what you need to do and especially asking for help from friends and family after a baby! Did you clean today? I see what happened yesterday in the office...haha. The good news about this book is that it inspiring me already! Soon I may even be ironing...nah--I don't think I'll ever be an ironer.

Also, so sorry about the horrible Dr. visit. There's nothing like being threatened with being sent to "behavioral health" to get your blood pressure down! Ah, well, you did a good job handling it I think:) Big Big Hugs! Aimee

Anonymous said...

WAY TO GO EZIE!!!! He is most certainly working on his exit strategy, isn't he??

I hear you on the germophobe thing!
We still have the Sam's club massive Purell dispenser we bought 4 years ago! It's worth it though, and this won't last forever.

Keep plugging on the breastfeeding---just keep trying every day and give it lots of time. It may not happen right away, and don't expect full feeds that way yet. Slow and steady wins the race... Just keep putting him on so he won't forget.

Too funny about the NICU mom questionnaire. What do they expect? If you answered everything hunky dory then THAT would be the biggest red flag! You are normal and right to be aggravated by the treatment you've been given. Keep on keeping on! You are so close to finish line!

GOldie's SIL

J. Pike said...

Awww, haha, I wondered about that shirt! I can't wait to get a picture of us all together with our babies! It's going to be so much fun. How is Daniel feeling? Do you have a picture of both you and Daniel with Ezekiel? I would like one if you do! =)

Kristin, It's 8:15am and I've been up for almost 2 hours now! I have been folding clothes and being productive! It's a miracle. That, and I couldn't sleep. Love ya,

saylor days said...

what a 'raw honest' post. i love it! i wish so bad i lived close to you. i would help you out. but i say go for the housekeeper-even just once or once/twice a month for a couple months!, if it can fit in your budget. it will alleviate some of the stress ball on your shoulders. i've always said i will probably have a cleaner come, at least occasionally, whenever we get a house...
i cannot tell you how much i look forward to seeing pictures of ezie. seriously i want to see him everyday and it makes me cry a little thinking about it!
interested to see how the thyroid test comes back. i hate when doctors-or anybody really, gives a rehearsed answer to a specific question! i'm glad you stood your ground on the not going upstairs or coming back for the BP check. but know they are just doing what they are trained to do! we gotta always lower ourselves and be respectful even when it doesn't seem deserved...saying that to myself too,thinking of when im exasperated with people.. ah, life. hi, how long can i make this? hhmmm

Kristin said...

Jamie-- I am SOO proud of you for all that early cleaning! Good job!!! We only have one picture of the three of us together, I will have to get a new one.

Shell-- Thanks for your encouragement. I am seriously considering a housekeeper... maybe just once, before zeke comes home. I don't think we can afford it, though. Oh well. I did some serious cleaning yesterday and things are looking a lot better now. :)

Kristin said...

Goldie's sil-- Did you have any success breastfeeding? Ezie doesn't quite seem to get it yet. He just sort of looks at me like, "what's going on, mom?". Then he falls asleep! I really want this to work. We just keep trying again everyday.

J. Pike said...

Thank you! I have lucked out so far...and no stretch marks on my belly...but I still have a little less than 3 months to go! I'm hoping Ezie can go home soon with you guys! How great will that be?!! And Sarah is due ANY MINUTE! Yay! =) Miss you lots, love you lots.

Krista said...

Oh Kristin, I feel ya, when I went to the doctors for my check up on my thyroid they were also asking me about how I was dealing with everything with Jack being in the hospital then finally getting him home then my husband going into the hospital. Well, I was so emotional I broke down crying thinking ok should I even be doing this and I was right I shouldn't have, because they did put me in the hospital! I tryed to tell them listen I'm not going to hurt myself, nor my son, nor anyone else, and that just hurt my feelings so I started crying even worse, it is by far the hardest thing to deal with. I hope and pray that everything goes good with your breastfeeding, I couldn't even produce any, I think the most was 2oz in one day not at one time, that was yet another thing I was upset about:-(
My prayers go out to you guys!
Love Ya

Grandma L in Ohio said...

Good morning, Ezie -

Hey, little man....your mommy told me you are up to 6 pounds 4 ounces!!!! Wow!!!!!! I'm on my way to work (yuch!), but had to watch one of your blog videos first. You are SO handsome! We are praying up in Ohio today that you start LOVING your bottle and breastfeeding. Try hard, little guy.....I know you can do it!
Love, Grandma Luanne in OHio

Grandma L in Ohio said...

Hi Kristin, Daniel and Ezie.....

Having withdrawal.....need new pics and video clips on the blog!!!!

Grandma L in Ohio (and all the other Ohio pray-ers)


Goldie said...

Hi sweetie, is there someone from church who can come help you clean? Or just do it, pay someone! You need it and deserve it! You have more important things to think about.
And the germophobe thing, yeah, as SIL said above, it is a natural reaction to things. She put the fear of God in me when niece was born and had a weakened immune system. She has since recovered, i have NOT. STILL a phobe. -sigh-
Use lots of hand lotion.

Goldie said...

Hi sweetie, is there someone from church who can come help you clean? Or just do it, pay someone! You need it and deserve it! You have more important things to think about.
And the germophobe thing, yeah, as SIL said above, it is a natural reaction to things. She put the fear of God in me when niece was born and had a weakened immune system. She has since recovered, i have NOT. STILL a phobe. -sigh-
Use lots of hand lotion.